What do you want to do today?

The big day arrives. We have this silly little ritual that has been in my family as long as I can remember. You wake up on the big day and casually ask your traveling companion �What do you want to do today?� The proper response is �I dunno, maybe go to Italy?�

Yeah, I know it�s silly, but rituals are rituals and must be preserved.

Everything is packed into 2 small bags. We congratulate ourselves. For a pair of fags, we have shown remarkable restraint. Less really is more sometimes.

After some discussion, we are NOT taking the laptop. I am told I can live for 2 weeks without e-mail�plus I know Europe is littered with Internet cafes.

We aren�t taking the camcorder, either. It�s a �living in the moment thang� Life was not meant to be experienced through a view finder. I don�t want to wait for the video to see if I had a good time or not.

On the video of our trip to Alaska, I actually walk into something and drop the camera because I am videotaping instead of watching where I am going. I am lucky I didn�t fall overboard. And then there are all the shots of a sullen looking Ray standing in front of totem poles and refusing to wave or smile for the folks back home.

Just an aside, but I have this friend who loves to go to Hawaii and always takes his camcorder. Now this is a gentleman of some size (300 lb +) and not exactly aerobically fit. His vacation videos are dominated by the soundtrack of him gasping for oxygen as he focuses in on a hibiscus or something.

I also have some real concerns about looking too much like the ugly American tourist. You never know who you will meet that doesn�t like the good ol� USA these days and feels the need to liberate your expensive toys from the capitalist pigs.

So the camera will stay home to be used for kiddy birthday parties and amateur sex videos like the good people at Sony intended.

My lovely Ex-wife, Kal is going to be babysitting for us at the house. Mikey is anxious, because they are going to be reluctant housemates for the next two weeks. I may have told Mikey one too many evil stories about the lady. I think I did mention that Kal is the president of the local Lorena Bobbit fan club. She really doesn�t bite, well, most of the time anyway. We offer Michael one last opportunity to join us.

We kiss and hug family members goodbye. The B-gurlz remind us as we pile into the car that they want Prada shoes.

As if

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