�You sure you want to do this?� Ol Doc Hawk asked. �It�s a gorgeous Saturday morning and I have a tee time. I�ll buy you breakfast.

�Yes,� I answered. �I�m sure. I had signed up to take an 8hr(!) indoor knitting class months ago, not thinking that April 26 might be the loveliest spring morning ever.

�Socks on circular needles� For you nonknitters, I knit my socks on 4 double pointed needles, one at a time. After I knit the first one, it�s �been there, done that�. I never feel like knitting the second one. But since all my loved one, without exception, have 2 feet, I slog thru the second sock, all the time wishing to move on to something fresh and lively. But with �socks on circular needles, you can knit both socks at once, avoiding the dreaded second sock shock syndrome. It is supposed to be faster too, at least in theory.

So, for the sake of the family feet, which I care about deeply, I sacrifice a spring Saturday.

The knitting seminar is being held at the Holiday Inn, the one near the highway with the Holidome. As you know, I have some problems walking long distances, but I see tons of chubby, middle aged women pouring into this one side entrance of the Holiday Inn and figure �this must be the place� Now, I am not saying ALL knitters are chubby middle aged women , but in terms of finding a parking spot close to the door, I figure this is a safe bet.

I�m a bit early and there�s a fabulous breakfast buffet. I help myself. I am curious as to why all my sister knitters are wearing pink jackets and are beautifully made up. You would think knitters would be wearing their favorite hand knit sweaters. As I chomp down, I notice a lack of natural fibers and knitting bags. The ladies are looking at me curiously as I take out my needles and ball of yarn, eager to get started.

A lovely woman with a pink jacket, pink cheeks and pink lipstick introduces herself. I introduce myself back, couldn�t be more pleased to meet her. She delicately asks me if I realize I am at the Mary Kay convention.

Ooops

And thank you anyway but I don�t need a makeover or a facial. I mean sometimes I might wear a little bronzer, but you didn�t hear that from me.

Of course my class is WAY on the other side of the hotel. Near the noisy, chlorine reeking indoor pool. I can tell I have arrived when I see chubby middle aged women in birks with fantastic socks, intricate shawls like butterflies, gorgeous sweaters and scarves that would make a drag queen drool.

And guess what, I am the only man for miles, but that is Ok. No long line for the men�s room during breaks. The fabulous breakfast buffet for knitters is granola bars and coffee.

The moral of the story is: MaryKay turns a profit. Handknitting doesn�t

Our instructor turns out to be an associate of Mama Hawk, who is also a fiber artist. Mama Hawk weaves. They are in the same guild or something.

Teacher invites me to her farm next weekend to see her sheep, goats and angora rabbits. I can also play with her wool and dyes. I eagerly accept.

It�s good to be teacher�s pet.

Knitting the socks on the circular needles isn�t that hard, but it does require some manual dexterity. It also requires being able to follow simple instructions, which apparently I can't because I do my increases all wrong and end up with twice as many stitches. I rip and restart. Make more mistakes, rip and restart. A discussion in the class turns to farm animals and the redheaded women next to me says emphatically that she doesn�t like goats because they have the face of Satan.

Whatever

4 hours later, we are supposed to have 3 inches finished on our toes up booties. We are going to start short row heels after lunch. I won�t be ready, so I spend my 90 minute lunch break in the bar, watching the Royals-BlueJay game, eating a roast beef sandwich, drinking beer and hiding from MaryKay ladies and redheads that fear Satan.

What? You don�t drink in a bar, knitting tiny little baby booties, swearing all the time at them and watching baseball.

Royals won, btw.

BELIEVE

Afternoon class, more ripping and swearing. Short row heels are also complex. Nonknitters, a short row heel is more like the heel of a commercial machine knit sock.

The ladies are looking at me thinking:

Poor, multi-thumbed dumb man. Everybody knows boys can�t knit�

Yeah, well at least there is no waiting for the men�s room!

I swear to myself that I am only going to look at the vendors marker since I don�t actually need anything. Send me you best guess as to how much money I spent and the closest guess wins a nice prize.

Finally, at the end of 8hrs, I have produced 2 very short and wide baby socks. No mistakes! I am eager to get home, show off my creation and tackle some real socks for real people.

I go out the side door and walk through the parking lot to avoid the Mary Kay ladies

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