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4-2-2004 - 7:04 p.m.

Fear and Loathing in the Heartland

Despite the bunny ears, I am about to not be amusing, so feel free to move on

Living here in the heartland where it’s Springtime and being a well educated, middle class white dude with some money in the bank, it’s easy to believe that the world is my oyster and I am a pearl of a boy.

Baseball season starts Monday. Our new kitchen floor is a work of art. My children are happy and healthy. Hawk and I are still in love after all these years with or without a Constitutional Amendment. We have important interesting work to do. We love our boyfriend Michael. We’re all planning a trip to Alaska.

There are a few speedbumps in our happy path, but mostly life is good.

I really can imagine all the people living life in peace.

But yesterday I had one of those moments of pure fear when I stopped to remember that somewhere on the other side of the world people hate me to the point of murderous rage simply because I am a white, well educated American with a gas-guzzling SUV in the driveway and 2 boyfriends.

I think we have all had those moments of fear after 9-11 when we watch the news and realize how much pure hatred there in this world, much of it in the name of this or that deity.

I mention my fear to Hawk as we are sitting on the porch, surveying our kingdom.

“Baby” he says, speaking as a member of not one but two minority groups “You don’t have to go to the mean streets of Fallujah to be hated for the things you are.” Hawk maintains that Rapid City, South Dakota is the most racist city in the USA and I don’t have the credentials to argue.

We discuss terrorism at home and abroad. Who is more of a threat, the Islamakazis or the American Taliban? Too close to call.

These happy thoughts do not make me feel any better. What it makes me consider is sitting on the front porch with a loaded shotgun, except that I hate guns.

The American body count in Iraq has reached 603 in the last few days. Allah only knows what the numbers are for Iraqi dead. I’m bothered by the spin both sides are putting on mutilated American civilians in the streets of Fallujah. ‘Is it good for Bush’s re-election?’ ‘Will it help Kerry?’ Do I care? It's a freaking atrocity no matter how you spin it.

And the list goes on and on and on. Enslaved children in Somalia. 1/4 of SubSahara Africa dying of HIV. Chinese baby girls. Migrant Mexican workers dying in the Arizona heat. Pick your tragedy and know that life for most of our brothers and sisters here on Planet Terra is a waking nightmare and there isn’t a Goddamn thing I can do about it.

I don't do well discussing politics. I tend to be one of those emotional, bleeding liberals that don’t have their facts together. I'd rather be funny and sit on my porch in Kansas, enjoying the fine Spring weather, with the boyfriends and a glass of wine. I celebrate diversity and the One-World-One People groove. I love and let live.

My new bumper sticker says ‘If you Aren’t Absolutely Appalled, You Aren’t Paying Attention’ but paying attention makes me afraid.

I don't like paying attention



Go Back
Previously in Justinland: Our Last Five Entries

Wagons Ho! - 4-23-2004

This Old Barn - 4-17-2004

Death and Taxes - 4-15-2004

MMQB:Leftover Peeps - 4-12-2004

The Alamo; The Movie not the Shrine - 4-10-2004

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