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10-8-2003 - 10:10 a.m.
3 clicks of the Ruby Slippers and There�s No Place like Home As if... In my life I have been lucky enough to travel all over the world. I like being there but I do not like getting there or back again. The hassle of traveling by plane almost negates the joy of seeing new places. Where is that transporter technology we were promised? Can anyone explain to me why I needed to fly to St Louis to get to Kansas City from San Francisco? Geographically, it makes no sense. And never sit in the first row of coach seats right behind First Class, even if it does mean more leg room. I had a paper bag turkey sandwich lunch, a bag of Rold Gold pretzels and a Diet Coke. First class had shrimp cocktail, steak, a choice of wine and coffee in china cups. And hot towels! No hot towels for coach. We did have a movie, but it was �Daddy Daycare� with Eddie Murphy. While I am all in favor of fathers participating in the care of their children, Eddie and adorable children...pul-leease! Meanwhile, I am dangerously tired today. Vacations are not relaxing. Sometimes my heart and mind are eager to walk the streets, taste the tastes and smell the roses (check out the boys) but my legs don�t cooperate. At the end of the day, my legs would hurt so badly that I couldn�t sleep. Hurrah for Canada and their relaxed drug laws. But enough complaining. We mostly had a wonderful time, once we realized that the 6 of us would never all want to do the same thing and therefore we agreed to disagree. Morning people should not travel with night owls. Adventurous eaters should not travel with the anorexic. Shoppers do not want to go kayaking or whale watching. Golfers don�t want to sit in the sports bar, watching the baseball playoffs. The conference: I confess, it was mostly an excuse visit the Pacific Northwest. I attended a good percentage of the lectures, but it was hard sitting in a conference room knowing that the ship was docked in some fabulous city and Miss B was loose with my American Express card. Visiting Native communities was more interesting than hearing someone talk about them...even with powerpoint presentations Getting into Canada was a hassle. Right off the plane they hand you info about SARS, then make you wait in a very long line in a very hot room. The immigration man wants to know why you are looking hot, tired and sweaty. Could you possibly have SARS? And I didn't see a single Mountie at the airport. The Ship: It was HUGE, apparently the 2nd largest cruise ship in the water. Sparkly pretty and new, very clean. It was so big that we had to use our cell phones to find each other. Ok, the ship was big, our cabin was not. Michael was the first one into our �stateroom� �OMG!� he says then starts to laugh. I am still in the hall wondering what it so funny. It�s tiny. �Tell your Aunt Minnie to send up another room�and two hard boiled eggs� 2 twins beds with a 1 ft path between them and a chair that makes into another bed. But when the chair is bedlike, the twinbed sleepers have to crawl over the chairbed to get to the bathroom. We did have a porthole and an honor bar. The little teevee in the room has a ship channel that shows where the ship is heading, just in case you are too lazy to leave your 'stateroom' or you are trapped inside by a folding chair. I was excused from Lifeboat Drill because of my disabilites. All of us handicapable folk gathered in the bar and were reassured that if the boat sank, we were first on the list to be saved. Unlike the Titanic, there were more lifeboat spaces than people. Lovely Lacy models the latest in lifeboat fashion The good people on the ship want to make sure you have a lovely time and are socially lubricated, damnit! No cash is exchanged on the ship, everything goes on your account so that you can�t tell what things cost or how much your have spent. During the Bon voyage party, Issac, (your bartender) kept handing me fruity rum drinks with paper parasols. Turns out they were $7.95 each and I don�t even like fruity rum drinks. Our bar tab was $539 and Ray, Maria and Becky don�t drink. You do the math. There are plenty of activities on the ship. Two of my favorites were sitting in the very back, knitting and watching the scenery go by. Romania barmaids giggled and said that their Grandmas knitted socks too. Sitting in the sports bar, watching the scenery go by and the baseball playoff games was also good and I'd wager not many of the Romania Grandmas did that. The Minnesota Twinkies had a hardcore following onboard and got plenty of support at sea. Maria had so much fun in the kiddie cruise area that we hardly ever saw her. She was the only one of us that was invited to bridge to help the Captain steer the ship. Who knew that Michael was really good at pingpong? Hawk excelled at eating, of course. Rack of lamb, King Crab, Salmon, Sushi. I finally got to try some real rare tuna steak that didn't come out of a can with a picture of Charlie. There are pictures, several hundred actually that need some cropping and editing and I have more to say about Vancouver, Seattle, Portland and San Francisco, but right now I� must... sleep...zzzzzzz
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