2004-02-04 - 7:54 a.m.
the Boob Tube
Ok people, enough of this water cooler chatter about Miss Jackson’s breast. I’m a gay man; I haven’t been interested in breasts since Mom decided I was ready for solid food. Somewhere during the beginning of the halftime show, I declared it noisy and boring and left to clean the kitchen
Apparently President Bush fell asleep and missed it too. Imagine! We have something in common.
And BTW, we do have an actual watercooler in the office and we gather like waterbuffalo at an oasis to gossip there, but I digress.
Why have I declared a moratorium on the titty-talk? Because:
It distracts from a truly fine football game. The Pats come back to win the big prize in the last 30 seconds. Amazing!
It distracts from an incredible pregame performance by the lovely and talented Josh Groban singing the inspirational ‘You Lift Me Up’
It distracts from the fact that CBS refused to run a spot from Moveon.org that simply asked who is going to pay off our $$$$trillion debit. Too controversial, so instead we get the farting horse.
It’s just hypocritical. Just after the S-bowl, we get ‘Survivor All-Stars’ and big gay Rich gets (pixilated) butt nekkid every chance he can. Everyone seems more nauseated than shocked.
Predictions for the future:
2005 S-Bowl halftime show features an ensemble of American Idols singing ‘God Bless America’
Colby wins ‘Survivor All-Stars’
Chiefs go to the show