Saddam is discovered, living like a rat in some filthy underground hole. If I were him, I would have been begging the American Soldiers to capture me so I could get a shower and a decent hot meal. Life on the run just ain�t no fun

Said Muwaffaq al-Rubaiye, who met Saddam on Sunday with Iraq

"I found a very broken man. He was, I think, psychologically ruined and very demoralized. His body language showed that he was very miserable,"

Well Boo Freakin� Hoo.

But come with me for a moment to that alternative universe called Justinland and imagine if our friends, the Fab Five, had encountered Saddam in hole before the American Military. Can you think of anyone who needs a 'makebetter' more desparately? I can�t

Ted: It says here that Saddam has been the dictator of Iraq for 23years

Carson: Ooooh. You said Dick

Kyan: �Bro, come out of that hole! OMG, living underground in a hole has totally ruined your skin. I recommend a full body exfoliation with a chemical peel. You know where the chemicals are stored, Dude. Just do it! Then we�ve got to get you a good haircut and trimming up the �stache. Maybe a sunless tanner to regain those swarthy Middle Eastern good looks.

Thom : While we all enjoy an earth toned palate, this is just dirt. It�s Tragic. You once lived in palaces, man. I was thinking that you are from a desert people. Sure you are on the run but so are the Nomads and they have fantastic tents. Think silks, think spicy colors. Pillows. Persian rugs. Scheherazade. Arabian Nights. And when it�s time to move, just throw it all on the back of your camel. What could be easier?

Carson: Will there be harem boys?

Jai:: Dude, I appreciate that you are contemplating a career change, so I brought you some books. Here is �What Color is Your Parachute?� Here�s Dr Phil�s Self Matters: Creating Your Life From the Inside Out and I though you might get a laugh out of this one Then we are going to try some belly dancing. C'mon it will be fun.

Carson: Unleash the weapons of mass destruction and burn this filthy old uniform. You deserve something better, so we got you an Ermenegildo Zenga power suit. Italian. Isn�t that nice? And some shades. Now wear it with your tribal headdress and you will look like a rich Saudi Oilman instead of someone caught living in a hole like an animal. Elegant, powerful and just the thing in case you have to stand trial for war crimes or something.

Ted: I was thinking that since all of your old friends are either captured or dead, it might be nice to arrange a little party and cultivate some new friends. Have you ever tried cooking in a traditional Middle eAstern Tagine. Much easier than you might think., Here�s a recipe I found online.

Lamb Tangine with Garlic, Honey and Almonds

You need:1.5 kg leg lamb, boned, trimmed of fat and cut into 3cm. cubes

2 tablespoon oil

30g salted butter

2 Spanish onions, sliced

10 cloves garlic, peeled

2 tablespoon grated ginger

� teaspoon cayenne ( or to taste)

1 teaspoon ground tumeric

1 teaspoon ground cumin

4 tomatoes, peeled and chopped

1 tablespoon honey

50g currants, soaked in warm water for 15 minutes and drained

70g almonds

� cup parsley, chopped

� cup coriander, chopped

250g couscous, cooked to serve

Method:

Heat 1 tablespoon oil and the butter in a large pan, and cook onion, garlic and ginger over medium heat for 4 to 5 minutes or until onion is soft. Add cayenne, tumeric, cumin, ginger and meat and stir to coat meat.

Add tomato, honey and � cup water. Bring to the boil, cover and simmer, stirring occasionally for 1 � to 2 hours, or until meat is tender.

Heat remaining oil in a small pan. And cook currants and almonds over medium heat until almonds are golden. Stir half of the chopped parsley and coriander into tagine.

Serve with couscous , and sprinkle with almond mixture and remaining herbs.

Serves 4.

Carson, reclining on a silk pillow: Bring out the harem boys

Kyan: And don�t forget to moisturize. That Iraqi sun can be brutal

Ted: And you would know about brutal, right guy?

7 People have told Dr JJ all about it