A cigarette that bears a lipstick's traces
An airline ticket to romantic places
And still my heart has wings
These foolish things remind me of you

�I saw this at Wal*Mart the other day and thought of you� My client was saying as he playfully hide something behind his back.

�Oh dear God,� I think, 'Have scarier words ever been spoken?�

Well, it might be scarier when your doctor says "I�d like to see you right away to discuss your test results" or your boyfriend says "I�m sorry, honey, it�s not you, it�s me". That might be worse, but still, it is pretty scarier that a client is cruising through Wal-Mart and thinking of me.

The smile of Garbo and the scent of roses
The waiters whistling as the last bar closes
The song that Crosby sings
These foolish things remind me of you

But I'm a professional. I smile and say "Oh, aren't you sweet"� and he presents me with a bright yellow, stuffed happy face doll. It's about the size of a human newborn and it's grinning maniaclly. It has fluffy feather hair and is wearing black pants. I think it may be the Wal*Mart rollback guy...and this foolish thing inspires thoughts of me

A tinkling piano in the next apartment,
Those stumbling words that told you what my heart meant,
And still my heart has wings
These foolish things remind me of you.

"Oh my, thank you, how cute!" I say, because my Mother raised me well. I take Mr. Happy into my arms, wondering where I could have gone so wrong. It's not Garbo's smile or the tinkling piano. It's a stuffy Happy Face baby from Wal*Mart

The winds of March that make my heart a dancer,
A telephone that rings but who's to answer.
Oh, how the thought of you clings
These foolish things remind me of you

My client is bubbling over. "I know you like silly toys" he says, which I suppose is true enough because I have a pot of dancing flowers on my desk. Silk chrysanthemums, if you must know. Push the button and they dance and spin to �California Sun�

"Push his tummy!" my client demands. I do and Mr Happy stars giggling hysterically. Apparently this is a yellow variation of 'Tickle Me Elmo' I have played with Harrison's Elmo. It's pretty stinkin' cute

"Squeeze his hands, now!" Hand squeezing results in Mr Happy squealing �Hug Me, Please! Hug me, Please� My heart melts, I give the foolish thing a big hug.

The scent of smould�ring leaves,the wail of steamers
Two lovers on the street who walk like dreamers
Oh, how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things remind me of you

Mr Happy goes on the corner of my desk and we begin our session. Every time I glace at him, he makes me smile.

But why, tell me why I don't inspire men to bring me gifts like diamond earrings, 4 skeins of pale gray cashmere yarn. Airline tickets to romantic places, a condo in Maui, champagne. My very own baseball team.

"Sweetie, I was in New York, saw the Yankees and thought of you. Surprise!"

Now, in case you are wondering, professional ethics dictate that I can accept no gift from a client that is valued at more than $25, so I am not really soliciting bribes and even bringing me the Yankees won't get me to sign off on your sex change operation any quicker. But still, a man looking at a sweet Lexus SC430 convertible and thinking of buying it for me would be nice

Then I remembered that Markus recently sent me �The Trailer Trash Cookbook� which also made me laugh.

Wal*Mart Happy boys and Trailer trash!

Obviously my own self image is much different than how I am perceived by the people around me.

Michael comes into my office later and picks up Mr Happy

"What's this?" he asks

"A gift from a client" I reply

"It's SO you" he says, squeezing it's tummy

Mr Happy starts to giggle

The park at evening when the bell has sounded
The Isle de France with all the girls around it
The beauty that is Spring
These foolish things remind me of you

Lyric for 'These Foolish Things' by Holt Marvell, Jack Strachey, Harry Link

4 People have told Dr JJ all about it