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6-2-2003 - 4:37 p.m.

On the Funny Cide of the Street

In my continuing effort to keep you up to date on your pop culture, today�s topic is horse racing. Thoroughbred racing; in particular a underdog chestnut gelding named Funny Cide who has a damn good chance of winning the Triple Crown this coming Sunday.

Since capturing the Kentucky Derby as a 12-1 shot on May 3, and later the Preakness, Funny Cide has evolved into a horse both popular and populist, a blue-collar hero with bridle and bit.

The oft-told story of Funny Cide should be well-known by now. Six high school buddies, none of them loaded, none of them poor, from upstate New York got together on Memorial Day in 1995 for a cookout and beers. They decided to get into the horse racing game. Sackatoga Stable, named after their high school, started out little and eventually purchased Funny Cide as a 2-year-old for a nominal fee � $75,000. To put it into perspective, the 2000 Kentucky Derby winner Pegasus, cost $4 million.

Just a working class hero of a horse. His owners travel to the races in a rented yellow school bus.

You can read more about this Cinderella horse story here

Now, perhaps you are wondering �JJ, just WTF do you know about horse racing anyway?� Let me present my credentials:

1. We own �My Fair Lady� on DVD which features Miss Audrey Hepburn attending the Ascot....a fancy English horse race. The hats in this scene are to die for!

2.I once attended a horse race. In fact, I won $2.60 on a $2 bet. However, no one at the race track was wearing a divine hat.

3.Ray�s cousins own a stable in South Dakota and I have ridden a horse before

The Triple Crown for you unhorsey folks is like winning the World Series, Superbowl and Stanley Cup all in the same year. It�s a Big deal and there hasn't been a winner since 1978. Visa (it�s every where you want to be) is awarding a Triple Crown winner a $5 million dollar bonus.

AND ordinarily, the $5million dollar purse would only be a drop in the bucket for a Triple Crown winner.

Just as Michael Jordan made tons more money endorsing Nike and Gatorade than he ever did playing for the Bulls, a great racing stallion makes his pimp/owner a comfortable living from stud fees.

Want to know how much? Well, Triple Crown winner Seattle Slew (who's name should be up there on the list with Mohammed Ali, Michael Jordan and George Brett as one of the greatest athletes of the 20th century) sired over 1,066 foals. At @ least 100,000 a bang. Do the math; that is a lot of money for something most folks would happily do for free, if you know what I mean.

And he was romancing the ladies until he was the equivalent of 90 in human years

Now, before you call some hot guy a stud, stop and ask yourself if he measures up to Seattle Slew...and if he does, the man is a slut. Or Wilt Chamberlain .

So here is the funny side about our boy Funny Cide. He�s a gelding. Again for you non-horsey people, Funny Cide has been to see Dr Snip and Clip. The count on Funny Cide is No Balls, 1 strike. (ouch) Funny Cide is traveling a little light. Just like we sent our Kitty Alex to Dr Snip and Clip because I wasn�t putting up with any evil Tomcat ways, i.e. fightin� and fuckin�, gelding a stallion makes them more manageable and better able to focus.

I have warned boyfriends too: �You come dragging in after a night of fuckin'and fighting, bleeding with your ear chewed off, I�ll geld you myself�

Be afraid

Anyway, our boy Funny Cide,is now writing his own column for the NY Post between now and the big race Saturday, although the only thing most people want to hear from a horse is either �bet me� or �don�t bet me� I guess when they took his balls, he compensated with literary ability...�kinda like the Italian choir boys that got snipped but could sing like angels

Funny Cide is running Saturday. No stud fees, just glory .

and speaking of Champs, Happy birthday to Raul Ibanez, my Favorite Royal



Go Back
Previously in Justinland: Our Last Five Entries

Wagons Ho! - 4-23-2004

This Old Barn - 4-17-2004

Death and Taxes - 4-15-2004

MMQB:Leftover Peeps - 4-12-2004

The Alamo; The Movie not the Shrine - 4-10-2004


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