The Man of the Family

Well, yesterday about 5 minutes after Miss Grace gets his ass off the floor, after the fall, and into the kitchen to share a cup of coffee with Mikey, the phone rings. It�s my little sister, Lacy.

She�s hysterical. During the night, someone has hit her Honda Civic which was parked on the street in front of her house. She�s crying so hard, she is not making sense.

My poor Dad has Alzheimer�s, but before he got as bad as he is now, he asked for my solemn vow that I would always take care of the ladies of the family and their cars. Dad, bless him, is a bit of a chauvinist and doesn�t believe that the Travis women are capable of taking their own vehicles to Jiffy Lube for scheduled maintenance without him nagging. A major car crisis like this is way beyond the female ability to cope. A Man is needed!

I tell Lacy I will be there in 15 minutes. Lacy may be 23, with a good job managing a Border�s bookstore and living on her own, but she is still the baby of the family. I find her sitting on her front porch, still crying. The Honda looks like some mechanical monster has taken a huge bite out of the right front bumper. The broken headlamps are dangling by their wires. It�s more than just a fender-bender. We are looking at some expensive, time consuming body work.

�At least nobody is hurt� I offer. She keeps crying

�Is your insurance paid up?� It is.

�Have you called the insurance guy?� She hasn�t

This is the same insurance guy that wrote all the policies on our cars and house. The same insurance guy that had to pay out big bucks when my Jeep Grand Cherokee was totaled by a tree in the ice storm last January. The same insurance guy that had to pay out big bucks when the furnace caught on fire after the same ice storm. You know, the same insurance guy that then canceled all my policies because I had dared to make claims. I had to send the insurance commissioner after him.

You're in Good Hands with All-State? My pretty white ass!

But,I�m the man of the family, I will handle this. I call the insurance guy. For some reason, he�s not delighted to hear from me, as charming as I am. Still, he is a professional and advises me on how to proceed.

Lacy is still sniffling. I offer to take her to lunch after we take the car the Honda agency. She still looks sad.

�We�ll get Mom and Dad and take them to lunch too. You know Dad still loves to be involved in these car dramas, even if he doesn�t remember them 5 minutes later.� She brightens just a little.

I offer to help her rent a car �Something fun, maybe a PT Cruiser with a moon roof� Almost there.

�And then we�ll go shopping.� That did it, she finally smiles. It�s going to be OK.

How am I doing, Dad?

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