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8-29-2002 - 10:14 a.m.

The Ol'Ball Game

In Which I take 7 sullen Gay teenagers to a Major League baseball game.

Ok, it was an experiment and not all experiments are successful. Tuesday night I say to my boys from the Tuesday Tribe that the A�s were in town. The A�s are on a 14 game winning streak. Anyone want to go? I�ll buy the tickets

�Baseball Sucks, Royals suck� I hear. Ok, fine, you are so uninvited. But a few of the boys look interested. A few more are saying �I�ll go if you go� to each other. It is mentioned that I did offered to pay for the tickets.

�Might be the last game of the year� I say, upping the ante. I do not launch into a rant about the impending baseball strike...but believe me, if they really do strike, I�ll have something to say about it.

�Uhhh, what baseball strike?� This is news to the boys. Kids, they have no priorities.

�Zito is pitching.� I say enthusiastically.

Contrary to popular belief, Zito is not a kind of pasta. Barry Zito; He�s probably the best pitcher in the American League�and he�s a bit of a character. He's so cool, you can buy 'I love BZ' boxers. Zito is a surfer dude, speaks of the Zen of pitching. He says he's rather play guitar like Hendrix than pitch a perfect game. I like him a lot and I�m going to the game even if I have to go by myself.

The boys are given until noon the next day to e-mail their acceptances or regrets.

Noon, the next day:

Amazing, 7 of the boys want to go! If I enlist ol�Doc Hawk as a fellow Den Father, we call all fit in his big ass Expedition and save on parking.

My boys dress for the occasion, Daisy Duke cut offs, halter tops that show off body modifications, eye makeup. Ok, maybe not your typical Cub Scout den. We get some looks.

Unfortunately about 4,000 extra disgruntled baseball fans have come out tonight to protest the strike and the mood is ugly. It�s a hot and greasy night in the heartland. The Royals really do suck and only get 4 hits the whole game because Zito is so fucking brilliant. A�S tag the Royals for 6 runs in the first inning. Zito has got a perfect game going until the 6th. I am fascinated, but I have been told that brilliant pitching is boring to the casual spectator. People want to se homeruns and players stealing home. My enthusiasm for this Zen master of the curveball is not shared by the boys who are whining, eating, yawning and gossiping.

It�s not even 9pm and Hawk mentions that �it�s a school night�. That is Hawkeese for �Let�s go home.� Royals are down 7-1, Zito is sure to get his 19th win�and that is impressive for all you non-baseball fans. It�s hot and the upper deck gang has been chanting �Start the Strike� and �Strike Right Now� for an hour.

We head for the parking lot and we�re not the only ones.

Baseball maybe our National pastime, but apparently it�s not the National Queer Pastime



Go Back
Previously in Justinland: Our Last Five Entries

Wagons Ho! - 4-23-2004

This Old Barn - 4-17-2004

Death and Taxes - 4-15-2004

MMQB:Leftover Peeps - 4-12-2004

The Alamo; The Movie not the Shrine - 4-10-2004


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