You Are What You Eat

The setting: Dinnertime, our house.

The Players: The entire family gathered 'round the table.

Dinner is served. Everything looks yummy. There's a baked chicken and a herbed rice dish, plus extra unchickened rice for Michael. Steamed zucchini and yellow squash, sliced tomatoes, a fresh fruit salad, additional slices of cantaloupe, pita bread and hummus and iced tea. It's a lovely dinner and it's even nicer when all six of us sit down together.

Food is being passed. The B gurlz decline a serving of the baked chicken. 'We've decided to become vegetarians.' they chirp together.

Now, Michael is a vegetarian, always has been since I have know him. It's not difficult having a vegetarian in the family once you figure out exactly what they will and won't eat. I respect his decision. Mikey is an adult and he seems healthy enough. Ray, on the other hand, is an unapologetic carnivore. It can't get too raw or bloody for Ray.

Ray and Mikey has discussed their dietary habits and have agreed that it's a genetic predisposition. Mikey was born to rice eating people, Ray was born to people that kill buffalo with arrows and take a bite of their still beating hearts.

Me, I try to avoid salt and brussel spouts

Back to the ladies and their announced vegetarianism. Ray, Mikey and I all look at each other like a trio of outfielders deciding who's going to catch the pop fly. Mikey gives the 'I got it' sign and fields the ball.

'Why is that, ladies?' he asks sweetly

'Meat is murder!' Bailey says. This is the same girl that can eat an entire bucket of KFC by herself.

'Meat is full of chemicals' Miss B adds. Missy would live on candy and soda pop if we didn't intervene.

'You can't make us eat meat' they say, defensively.

Sensei Mikey nods in agreement to his two little grasshoppers. Ray is wondering if he is going to be able to score their share of the chicken.

'All right, ladies, all valid reasons. But becoming a vegetarian is not a fashion statement. You are still growing and will need a source of protein. What exactly will you eat?'

The ladies look at each other blankly, their dip into the vegetarian pool has not taken them this far into the deep end of critical thinking. 'We'll eat what you eat, Michael!' Michael is eating everything that has been served except the chicken. The B girls have been loading up on pita bread. This fact doesn't escape Mikey and he offers them a serving of the zucchini and squash.

'Yuck, we don't like vegetables. They also don't like fruit. I know, I can't imagine that either.

'Will you be eating eggs?' No, they don't like eggs. They don't like tofu or hummus. They don't like beans. Major food groups fall by the wayside until we get to dairy product. They will drink milk and eat cheese. They like bread. Potato chips and Doritos are Good. Peanut butter also makes the cut. Ray suggests a daily vitamin supplement and goes for his third piece of chicken.

Michael begins a discussion of complete and incomplete proteins but the girls aren't paying attention, so he goes back to enjoying his dinner. The ladies are stuffing grated cheese into their pita bread and melting it in the microwave. Maria wants in on that action. Ray inquires about the possibilities of dessert.

That was two nights ago. This morning I come down to the kitchen and find a skillet filled with cold bacon grease and the wrapper for a pound of bacon in the trash. I am pretty sure Michael wasn't making BLTs during the night

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