People next door are getting a new roof today. Bang, Bang, Bang There are 9 men, some of them have pitchfolks and they are ripping off the old shingles and sending them flying to the ground. I made sure the cat came in, just in case.

Must be hot up there because a lot of them are just hanging around the water jug and not working. They look like they are probably illegal aliens. None of them are cute, so I won't be wasting my day lusting/looking out the window...

but...insert new age music here...

I remember this one time....Neighbors on the other side of us were getting a roof. That workcrew WAS cute. Long-haired college boys.

Meanwhile, a Jehovah's witness comes to the door. I have no problem with Jehovah's witnesses. I respect anybody with such conviction in their faith that they are willing to majorly piss people off to share the good news. So, I am out on the front porch, talking to the lady about my rightful place in the Kingdom of Heaven. The boys on the roof have taken off their shirts and are shimmering in the sun. I am trying to pay attention, but c'mon, sweaty, tanned college boys. It's no contest.

I keep looking next door, she keeps witnessing, the boys keep banging away

Bang, Bang, Bang. I'm getting dizzy. My Christian friend has probably figured out by now that I am a heathen and a sodomite, lusting after tanned college boy flesh. She says 'All that banging is a little distracting, isn't it?'

'Praise God!' I reply

Roofer Update...the pigs

We have a standing offer in the family: Mow the grass, get $20. It's a win-win situation. Usually my nephew Ben jumps on the deal, but today my niece Abby shows up.

Like all the women in my family, Abby is gorgeous, although she's only 13. She's a ballerina, so she moves in ways 13 year old girls just don't move.

I'm at my computer in the office, roofers still banging outside my window. Still no cute, sweaty college boy flesh, but I do respect that these men have put in a long day in the hot sun. Suddenly work on the roof comes to a complete stand still. Roofer mouths have dropped open and they appear to be hypnotized. They point in the direction of my front yard. I am genuinely surprised no one has fallen from the roof.

Curious, I think, I wonder what they are gawking at

Of course, the filthy pigs are looking at my beautiful niece, mowing in a tanktop and shorts, her blonde ponytail flipping back and forth

Men! they will stare at anything that moves, the pigs

Oink!

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