|
6-30-2002 - 15:15
June 30th, 2002
Cause and Effect Whoa, bad dreams all last night, ranging from the weird to the wake-up-screaming variety. I'm no Freudian, but I believe that dreams are our subconscious' way of working out our daytime problems. I don't like the way my subconscious works Cause: Yesterday afternoon, I visit my parents. The dog has 'hot spots' and Mom is worried because the Vet bill was over $300. Money is tight for them because they live in this special community for Alzheimer's patients. It's a good place for my father to be, but it costs a fortune. I give her $300, tell her not to worry. Mom's a saint and plenty of times she has slipped me a few bills. We BBQ a chicken, have some dinner and settle in to watch the ballgame. I supply some ice cream that I made myself. Everything is happy happy. My father can't really follow baseball so gets restless quickly. He stands up and announces 'Justin, we need to have a serious talk' Trouble with Alzheimer's victims is that you might have just had 'that serious talk' 10 minutes ago, but they don't remember. The serious talk is about the family business, Prairie Fire. He wants me to take over, family needs the money. I don't want to take over, it would involve me going to China, India and Thailand all the time and I actually have this other career. He knows this, but he doesn't remember Mom sweetly says 'Now honey, we've talked about this before. Let's watch the ballgame' He goes ballistic...another component of Alzheimer's...and starts screaming at her about how 'I'll talk to my son any damn time I want to and you don't tell me what to do' which is silly because he won't pick out a shirt for the day without asking her. What can I say? Alzheimer's is a bitch. Effect: I dream that we are at the lake house. Mom and I are up on the deck, Dad is down on the dock but for some reason, he has driven the riding lawn mower on to the dock and then drives right over the edge into the water. In my dream this is clearly a suicidal gesture and he's not going to just float to the surface like he would in reality. I run to the dock and dive in, mom is right behind me. I find Dad at the bottom of the lake. He's all blue and puffy, like he has been in the water for 3 days. He has chained himself to the lawn mower. I grab one of his hands, the man has huge hands, twice the size of mine and he just looks at me sadly, then shakes his head. He wants me to let him go. I wake up with a start, Ray is wrapped around me, talking in his soothing Dr Hawk voice 'Hush baby, 'It's OK, Just a bad dream' Jeez Louise
| 
